There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
