So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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