Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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