I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
