I wish I could teleport
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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