its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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