she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
