is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
