i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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