he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
