Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
