Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
