the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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