god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I think people are normalizing furries
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
