i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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