im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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