We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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