He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
