Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
