woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
