One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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