I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
You may now shotgun with the bride
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
