kristin has been a bad kristin
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
