I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
