Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Randomize
