Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
