You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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