Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
