I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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