I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
