OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
