the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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