Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
