I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
