I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
