You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The Olympian is in my bed
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
