I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
