My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
