Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
