I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Randomize
