My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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