Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
