I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
