Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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