You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
You're like the curious george of whores
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
