his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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