Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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