we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
