You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
