Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
