After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
